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Nap resistant toddlers

As a professional nanny, I am regularly asked by parents what the ‘hardest’ age is and why. I always, without a second of hesitation, reply with, “Toddlers!”. 
 
Toddlers are a whole new level of hard because they understand things, but still haven’t grasped reason or logic. Explaining to a toddler that you can’t stop the water from being too ‘wet’ is about as much use as trying to… well… explain anything abstract to a toddler! They haven’t developed enough to grasp certain concepts yet have developed enough to want to do and be more grown up. It really is a truly frustrating time for both parents and children. 
 
One of the main issues that I speak to parents of toddlers about is nap resistance. As parents of these tiny people, it is almost impossible to imagine ever saying, “No thanks, I wouldn’t like a nap today”, but our toddlers will often fight this mid-day sleep for a number of reasons. Often, parents give up trying to enforce this sleep as they believe that their child has ‘grown out of napping’ or they just don’t want the daily battle. Ultimately, as with all parenting choices, it really is down to the specific family situation and the individual child, but often children can really struggle without naps. It has been scientifically proven that naps can help improve a child’s immune system, help them grow taller, reduce the risk of obesity, enhance their brain development, and improve their concentration. It is also worth noting that children under 4 years old are not physically or mentally capable of handling being awake for 11-13 hours at a time. 
 
When looking at improving naps, I ask clients to look at why their little one is resisting naps:
  • Is it due to a developmental change (also known as a ‘regression’)?
  • Have they started nursery and that has impacted their schedule?
  • Are they unwell or teething?
  • Has their bedtime routine changed at all?
I’d recommend that, if unsure, you record a few days in your child’s life to see if you can spot any differences. When I work with clients, I ask them to complete a three-day sleep/feed log to uncover any underlying issues, and it’s amazing what such a simple task can uncover. It is also key to look at how long the issue has been occurring, as I wouldn’t suggest doing anything drastic until there’s been a problem for at least 3 weeks (this just rules out it being a typical toddler ‘phase’). 
 

Your toddler needs a daily nap if most of these are true:

  • Younger than 3 year old
  • Their mood changes when they don’t nap. More cranky, irritable, whiny and prone to tantrums that day
  • Night Sleep is worse when they haven’t napped in the day
  • Overall sleep in 24 hours is consistently less than 11 hours

Your toddler doesn’t needs a daily nap if most of these are true:

  • They have trouble going to sleep at bedtime on days they nap
  • bedtime ends up being much later, around 10 pm
  • They consistently sleep better at night when daytime naps are missed.
  • They can handle car or stroller rides around nap time without falling asleep
  • Their mood stays stable despite missing their nap (as stable as you can expect from a toddler…)
  • Overll sleep in 24 hours is consistently 12 or more hours
  • 3 years or older

My two main pieces of advice when tackling nap resistance are to be consistent and avoid battles.

Set a Routine

Ensure that your child has the same wake up time and sleep time, even on weekends. Often parents will relax their routine at the weekend as there often isn’t the pressure of busy weekday schedules to adhere to. This can cause both uncertainty for your toddler and can cause them to be awake for longer/shorter periods that they are accustomed to. This means that, come Monday morning, they’ll be experiencing what is ultimately a form of jet lag; their internal body clock will be out of sync and they’ll struggle to readjust. It’s amazing how even just being an hour late for bed can have such a knock on for the next few days. For families that like to relax their routine at the weekend, I’d suggest that they break their day into blocks of time and shift it accordingly so that each activity (meals, bedtime routine, playing etc.) is as spaced apart as it usually would be. 
 

Pick your battles

Toddlers are also learning what around them they can and cannot control. Parents often tell me that their once easy-going child will now only eat certain foods, or only drink out of a certain cup, or only wear a certain coat etc. This is because they’re desperate to have more of a say over their lives and will test the boundaries in terms of what is and is not controllable.

It’s an incredibly frustrating time in their lives (and ours) and can easily lead to battles where it’s often easier to give in. I like to reassure parents that this is a great developmental phase, as your child is discovering their independence and developing their personality. I also mention that it’s OK to pick and choose your battles. Sometimes it really is easier to buy 7 identical blue cups than to deal with a meltdown because you gave them the green cup; it’s a phase that will pass.

It’s a similar concept with naps. The minute that you make naptime an option your toddler will see this as something that they have a say over. Make it very clear that nap time is a routine part of the day and happens at a consistent time each day, much like meals.

Pick your battles

Toddlers are also learning what around them they can and cannot control. Parents often tell me that their once easy-going child will now only eat certain foods, or only drink out of a certain cup, or only wear a certain coat etc. This is because they’re desperate to have more of a say over their lives and will test the boundaries in terms of what is and is not controllable.

It’s an incredibly frustrating time in their lives (and ours) and can easily lead to battles where it’s often easier to give in. I like to reassure parents that this is a great developmental phase, as your child is discovering their independence and developing their personality. I also mention that it’s OK to pick and choose your battles. Sometimes it really is easier to buy 7 identical blue cups than to deal with a meltdown because you gave them the green cup; it’s a phase that will pass.

It’s a similar concept with naps. The minute that you make naptime an option your toddler will see this as something that they have a say over. Make it very clear that nap time is a routine part of the day and happens at a consistent time each day, much like meals.

My Top Tips

Active Mornings

One of the main ways to encourage a nap is to burn off some energy in the morning. Toddlers have an incredible amount of energy and need to be kept busy, both mentally and physically to ensure better sleep. It’s really hard to relax for a nap when you’ve already had a very relaxing day. Here are some ideas:

  • I’m, personally, a huge fan of toddler groups as they give children a chance to interact with other children, play with new toys (or the same toys that they have at home, but they’ll be FAR more interested in the ones at group), and just generally run around and have fun.
  • If you don’t fancy toddler groups then a simple park trip can be enough to stimulate and exhaust a crazy toddler, plus the fresh air and daylight are great for their internal body clock.
  • I also find that even a typically ‘boring’ task can be made interactive and exciting for toddlers when you get them involved and interact with them. I currently look after a little boy who loves to help me clean; I give him a spray bottle full of water and a cloth and off he goes!

Just remember to focus on burning off energy and staying busy before naps.

Limit Blue Light

It is also important to limit screen time before naps, as the blue light that screens omit plays havoc on our internal body clocks.

Avoid Sugar

Try and also avoid sugar before naps, as a rush of sugar can cause an already tired child to become incredibly over-tired when they ‘come down’ from the sugar high. I often give the toddlers that I care for something filling to eat before their nap, something like warm porridge can be great to keep them full enough for a nice long snooze.

Does your Toddler have FOMO

If you find that your toddler still really doesn’t want to sleep then, Tell your child that they will be having a nap in 5 minutes time and finish up the game or activity that they’re doing. This means that the child won’t feel as though they are missing out on something fun whilst they are napping.

Daytime sleep routine

Take them upstairs and do a mini version of your bedtime routine (usually a cuddle and a story will work well) before putting them in their bed. If they refuse to sleep then that’s fine, just don’t get angry or frustrated. You can either tell them that they can have some quiet time instead, such as reading or playing quietly by themselves (again, no screens or anything overly stimulating) or they can ‘help mummy/daddy to have a sleep’ and encourage them to snuggle up with you quietly. It’s amazing how the feeling of being involved in something can be enough to encourage them to nod off. If this still won’t work then at least the child has had some quiet time and has rested for a while, even if it wasn’t actual sleep.

Read the warning signs

Be super vigilant for signs of over tiredness and avoid them getting too tired, as this will hugely impact their evening sleep. Watch for signs such as:

  • fussiness
  • crying
  • frustration
  • clinginess
  • just generally being unbearably grumpy.
  • Some children also get a boost of energy and go completely hyper when they’re exhausted (due to the body producing adrenaline to keep them awake).

If you see any of these tired signs, then either try for a nap again (if there’s enough time for one. Don’t let them sleep past 4pm) or aim at moving bedtime forward.

Well, if you’ve made it this far (apologies for this blog post being so long!) then you can see how complicated nap resistance in toddlers can be. It’s a hugely complicated process of trial and error that often has no end due to the constant changes that children undergo at this age. As mentioned, focus on your routine and get some great practices in place. Focus on being consistent and don’t let nap time become a battle. Toddlers are hard work and it’s completely OK to pick and choose your battles.

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